Chapter 4 Man Up As A Friend

Hey, everybody. So it’s been a while since I’ve done a live video. First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for their kind words and prayers as dad went through what he was going through. He is home now and still looking to get some things answered but doing much better. So thank you. Appreciate it very much. Didn’t really kind of expect that, but I was just kind of musing a little bit about how things changes as that … I guess as that shift happens where you go from child to caretaker type of thing. Not that I’m his caretaker by any means. He’s still … At some point, at this point, he can probably still work a man half his age under the table, but anyway that being said, thank you.

This week as some of you may know, some of you may not know, but each week now up until the launch of the book, I’m taking a chapter and I’m reading an excerpt from the chapter. This week is Chapter Four: Man Up As a Friend. Men, I think that piece of male friendship is important. As men, sometimes we neglect that. There’s this feeling of “It’s just me. I’m man. Hear me grunt,” not needing anybody. Not necessarily … I wouldn’t say not needing anybody but not willing to call on anybody. That’s been one of my big things, is finally reaching out for help from other men, other friends.

Hopefully this week if you’re watching Randy [Murray 00:02:01], Randy Murray is someone I highlighted in this part of the, in this chapter for the book because he is a good friend. He’s a very close friend of mine. He is someone that I know will not just blow smoke up my skirt. He was someone that, if I ask him a question, he’s going to give me the right answer, not the answer he thinks I want to hear. To me, that type of person in my life is invaluable. So hopefully at some point this week, I’m going to talk to him a little bit about the book and get his thoughts on this part of it.

So let’s get into the book. Hey, Julie. Hey, Patricia and Todd. Good to see you guys. Thank you for hopping on. So I’m going to read to you just a little bit out of Chapter Four, a couple paragraphs. Can’t read the whole thing, but here we go.

“If you were a parent, I want you to think about a time when you were invited over to someone else’s house. We’ve all been there. We talk to the kids before getting in the car, telling them how we expect them to behave so much differently than what they normally do at home. We talk to them in the car on the way there, reminding them to be on their best behavior and maybe even try to bribe or threaten them with taking something away if they misbehave. Of course when we arrive, we remind them again just before getting out of the car as well.

“Then it happens. Yeah, you know what happens. The other couple’s kids do something inappropriate and yours don’t. There’s that moment of silent inward celebration, the kind where, if you weren’t within view of the other parents, you might actually jump in the air and do a fist pump that it finally wasn’t your kids this time. Don’t deny it. You feel a little guilty, but not really that guilty. Later that night, you and your wife are talking about the evening and you both breathe a sigh of relief. You talk about how great it is that it’s not just you. It may be you are not such bad parents after all.

“In reality, this is no different than what we do as men. We analyze our own actions silently, often painfully, and then the rare occurrence a fellow man slips and reveals some sort of inadequacy, instead of rallying alongside of him and letting him know he is not alone, we inwardly pump our fists and jump for joy that someone else is as infallible as we are. Oftentimes being alone in our heads like that is no different than a prison sentence of solitary confinement. At least if you’re among other men with a gen pop prison sentence, you have the ability to talk to others and see that you’re not the only one struggling.”

So this chapter, I kind of look at those thoughts and those pieces of “Why is it …” I’ve talked about this a little bit where competition among men is not a bad thing. I think it’s powerful. I think it’s a great thing, but that competition piece without a close, without close male friends and if you have that mentality of “When somebody shows weakness, I’m going to take advantage of that weakness,” that’s not competition. That’s just outright ruthlessness. We don’t have to do that. I think too many times …

Again, some of this, a lot of … Not some of this or a lot of this. All of this stuff is stuff that I’ve dealt with myself. This whole book is just a reminder to me of how, where I need to improve, but also in talking with other guys and watching and observing other guys, it’s that same thing of that prison sentence inside your head. You’re stuck and you’ve got that … That’s why I talk about the gen pop. In general population, at least you have other people to talk to. When you’re in solitary confinement within your … When you get to that place where you’re in your own head, it’s not a good place to be. Number one, we start, our mind starts to go and our mind starts to think and we can create stories that aren’t even true. We can create things that aren’t necessarily aligning with what reality is.

So I think that piece of being willing to get out of your head … Remember, if you’re in your head, you’re dead. To get out of your head, to have those men, those good male friendships in your life that are going to speak to you honestly, hold you accountable to your goals, your dreams, and to your value system and your moral, your beliefs, what you want to do. I think that’s of the utmost importance. There’s one thing I talk about where true power, true power comes from giving power away. If you can give another, another male in your life that you trust, you can give that power away for them to speak into your life and speak honestly to you, that’s life-changing.

Now, that being said, you have to choose wisely because there are … Let’s face it. The world ain’t all unicorns and rainbows and jumping through tulip fields singing Kumbaya. I mean there’s plenty of people out there who are going to try and take advantage of you if you’re a “nice guy.” So you still have to do your due diligence and be very careful who you give that trust to, but if you … Guess what. There’s going to be times where you screw up. You give trust to the wrong person. In this case if you’re talking about male friendships, you give trust to the wrong guy and it could burn you. It could hurt you. It could devastate you. It could piss you off. That’s going to happen. If you’re willing to let that vulnerability go and to have it out there and put it out there, there’s a possibility of that happening. Just know that, but take your …

There’s an old adage in business: hire slow, fire fast. I think that’s the same way with friendships. Hire slow; fire fast. If somebody … To really make sure you’re going to allow someone in that inner circle, you got to make sure that they’re trustworthy. That inner circle is not a place for everybody. It shouldn’t be a revolving door in a store. That inner circle should be, should have a doorman on it. That doorman doesn’t let everybody in.

So at the end of the day, men, we all need friends. That friendship is important. Get outside your comfort zone a little bit. If you don’t have a lot of male friends, that’s what I challenge you to do. Start looking for … You don’t have to have a ton. You don’t have to have 50 male friends. I’ve got a few that I can count on one hand the number of real close friends that I can count on. Those are the type of guys that, those are the type of guys that would … What do they … There’s an old adage. It was a motorcycle club patch that I remember and it said “A friend will help you when you’re in need. A true friend will help you hide a body.”

That’s the kind of friendship I’m talking about, the kind of friend that no matter what, that you call at 2:00 in the morning, they’re not asking why. They’re just … If you say “I need you here,” they’re coming over. The kind of friend that’s going to drive 500 miles to pick your bike up because it broke down, the kind of friend that’s going to go pick your kid up because something happened. Those are the type of friendships I’m talking about. I’m not just talking about “I know this person from church” or “I know this person from work.” Those aren’t the kind of friendships that this is about man, manning up as a friend. It’s the kind of thing where …

I talked about where dad, dad didn’t need … In my post where you knew his level of commitment by his handshake. He didn’t need a contract. Just by shaking his hand, you knew what he meant. Still know what he meant. I’m talking past tense like he’s gone. No, he’s still here, but I think that’s the thing. That’s the type of friendships that I’m talking about. It’s you just know when you’re in need that they’re going to answer and they’re coming. Search for those, but here’s the thing.

I’ll tell you this though. In order to get that and receive that, you’re going to have to give that. It’s going to take action on your part. It’s going to take sacrifice on your part. It just doesn’t … It could happen for a while one-way towards you, but after a while, people and rightly so people are going to say “Well this sucks. I’m the one that’s always giving and doing and helping and being there. I’m not getting anything in return for this.” That friendship is no different than any other relationship. It’s a two-way street. You’re going to have to give just as much if not more than the other person. Those real good ones are the ones where both are trying to give more than the other. Those are the real good ones.

All right, guys. I rambled on long enough tonight. Hopefully, hopefully, you’re seeing som value in some of this stuff that I ramble about. I’m looking forward … It’s getting closer and closer to this book finally coming out, and I got a call. We got some calls from the publisher. They’re excited. They … Again, we hit the number one best-seller pre-release for, get this, gender studies, which I guess it really does make sense. We’re talking about man up and what it means to be a man. Yeah. So excited about that, excited about where things are going, and the publisher now has already asked for book number two. So we’re in the planning process of that as well. That’s kind of exciting. Kind of overwhelming, but exciting nonetheless, right?

All right, guys. Have a great rest of the evening. Hope y’all are enjoying yourselves. If you got any questions, something doesn’t make sense, you don’t agree with me, post it below. I have no problem having a good honest debate or discourse with someone who doesn’t agree with me. For crying out loud, not everybody’s going to agree with me. I know that. But if you do agree and there’s something you want clarified or you just want to say you like it, let me know that too. Y’all have a great night. See you later.