What’s Your Default Page?

What’s up, everybody? So it’s been a while since I’ve been on. I think it was about a week ago. I was thinking … Somebody said something … as usual, somebody says something that makes me think, and I want to share it with you guys. And the thing that was said that made me think … and it was a group that I’m in … it was, what is your default page? Most of us now, we have computers. We know when we open our browser, whether it’s Chrome, whether it’s whatever, Safari or whatever it is that’s your major browser, when you open that up, it always opens up to kind of that same page, right? And it got me thinking about, as men, as husbands, as fathers, as individual men, what is our default page? Meaning, when we get up in the morning, what does our browser open up to, you know?

Your default could be anger, your default could be happiness, your default could be nervous, your default could be anxious. Your default could be all of these different emotions, these different things that is going to affect everybody else around you. So when I started thinking about this, I’m like, wow, this is … You know, I’ve heard people talk about resting bitch face, right? And that whole resting … that face of, what is it when you’re naturally in your supposed relaxed state? What do you look like? Do you look happy? Do you look angry? Do you look pissed? Do you look concerned? Do you look troubled? That type of thing.

And one of the reasons this got me thinking is I went down and saw a buddy of mine the other day … and you know who you are … and I drove past, with my wife, an establishment that I used to work at. I worked there for 14 years. It was in the automotive industry, towing and that type of thing. And the building was gone. There was a pile of abatement dirt there, and there was a bunch of excavators and dozers and stuff sitting in the parking lot, but for the most part, the building was gone. And it got me thinking. I was like, wow, that was 14 years of my life that I spent there, helping the people in that area and working there. And I was like, okay, I wonder what happened.

Well, it just so happens my buddy used to work there, as well. He works for another dealership now. So I went down and saw him and I said, “Hey, whatever happened up there?” And the funny thing is my wife and I were talking about the owner and the owner’s son. Now, long story short, this owner’s son had left, didn’t want to do the business, didn’t want to be in the business. And he left, and he was following his own path, and he had gone and gotten his certification to become a police officer, gotten through the academy and gotten all of that stuff, graduated, and then was going to do that. And his father had talked him into coming back to the family business, right? So I had some inside information. Since I worked there for 14 years, I knew everybody. In fact, at one point, I had managed the whole place.

So we were taking bets on what happened, because his default page was one of … not anger, but just self-centeredness, I guess I would say. That would be the best way I could explain it, self-centered. So I met with my buddy and we were sitting there talking, and I said, “Okay, what happened there? What really happened?” And he says, “Oh, you’re never going to guess.” And I said, “Let me guess, he sold it out from underneath his son.” He says, “It’s even worse than that.” He wasn’t even going to tell his employees. They were just going to show up one day when the door was locked. He had sold the business, he wouldn’t do any repairs, he wouldn’t do any updates. And there was things involved in that occupation where that could have been dangerous. And he literally sold it out from underneath his son. And I’m sitting there going, “Are you …?”

Now, let’s just be fair. This guy has got plenty of cash. I mean, he’s got other business interests in different areas of the state, and he’s been doing this business for … It was his dad’s business, originally. And I look at that and I go, that’s a default page, a default page of greed, of success in business over everything else, even family. And the sad thing is the son eventually told him, “When the doors close here, I’ll finish out and I’ll be done. I’ll finish what I started, but when the doors close, you’re dead to me.” And it’s like … I started thinking about, okay, with my boys, I could never … I can’t even fathom. I mean, that’s a … And forgive me … Ah, don’t forgive me, because I mean it. I was talking to [Brenda 00:05:30] and I was talking to my buddy, and I said, “That’s a real special kind of asshole right there.” I mean, that’s what it boils down to.

So we can all choose where our default page is going to be. We can all choose to have a default page of kindness, we can all choose to have a default page of self-centered, not self-centeredness, but being self-centered. We can choose to have a default page of calmness versus tense. We have that choice to make. Nobody makes those choices for us. We decide, based on our reaction to maybe circumstances or other people, what our default page is going to be.

Now, here’s the thing. Our default page can … just like when we leave that default page to do different things and to find different things on the internet, our default page is going to change throughout the day based on things we need to accomplish, things we need to do. And that’s okay. It’s our default page, because that’s what we usually go back to when we open up another browser and we clear it, we go all the way back to the beginning, that’s where we start.

So the problem is sometimes, like a computer, you can get a virus, which can change your default page to something that it shouldn’t be. Now, that’s the point where we need to recognize that, whoa, let’s check ourselves before we wreck ourselves, of what has my default page turned into? Because we can let other people determine and move and influence what that page is for us at times, more so than we realize and more so than we want to admit.

So the thing I want to ask you guys to really … That’s my challenge today, because I’ve been doing it the last couple days, but my challenge is to check what your default page is. Like [Kevin 00:07:21] says, is your default page a page of kindness or respect for each other? Or is it a page of contempt, second-guessing, that type of thing? Because it’s going to influence how you interact with everybody else around you and, therefore, it’s going to influence maybe what you get, maybe what you receive.

One of the things that people say … You know, I look at people who never can catch a break, right? Those are the people that, once they get in a car accident, they get in a car accident the next day. These people that it seems like they attract bad luck. If it weren’t for bad luck, they wouldn’t have any luck at all. Well, maybe they need to look at their default page. What are they attracting? What is their page saying about them to others as the others are watching them or being around them? Because there’s going to be people with a default page of kindness that they’re not going to want to be around a default page of rudeness. If I’m around somebody who’s rude, I don’t want to be around them. Other rude people will want to be around them because they kind of get off on that type of thing.

But I guess that’s the thing that we need to focus on, is just start looking at your default page. Where is it at? And it’s going to change. Like we said, there’s going to be seasons where that default page may be a little different, or you may move away from it for the day for a little bit to manage and navigate what needs to be done, but you always come back to it.

[Jennifer 00:08:57], “I default to trust until it’s broken.” Very true. And I’ll challenge that one, too. One of the things that I default … my default is trust until it’s broken. Absolutely, 100%, that’s usually where it is. Once it’s broken, I’ve learned one thing. I’ll give everybody a second chance because I’ve been given second chances. I’ve been given probably more chances than I deserve in life, in all areas of my life. So I’m going to give everybody … I’m going to extend a little grace, and I’m going to give them a second chance. But here’s the thing, if that second chance, if that default of trust is broken again, then that piece is pretty much gone for them. So I agree, I think that default piece of trust is important.

So that’s it, guys. I just wanted to keep it short, sweet, to the point. If you’ve got any questions, if you’ve got any comments, type in the response #replay if you’re watching this after it’s been live. If you want to comment on it, you disagree, which is fine, if you have something else that you want to add to it, please do. None of us are as smart as all of us, right? I don’t know everything, and I love to have other people comment and contribute, as well. All right, guys, have a great rest of the week. If I don’t see you, talk to you before then, have a wonderful Easter this weekend. If you’ve got time off … what do they call it? … Spring Break, that type of thing, enjoy it, stay safe. Y’all have a good one. See you later.