Chasing Her Smile

Hey, guys. So I just got to give a real heartfelt and grateful thank you because of you guys seeing the possibilities with this book and the lives that I think it could speak into or touch or whatever that looks like. Because of that, because of your generosity in purchasing the book, just this week, I mean, we reached number one on presales for men, men’s studies. And we’re also right up there in self help and in faith sections, so two other big categories and we’re still climbing. So, man, a humble thank you, appreciate it.

I decided today to talk a little bit about … I got a buddy, actually one of the guys that I interview in the book. So those of you who don’t know, I’ll give a little bit away as far as what I do in the book. So each chapter of the book deals with a different area that we can man up. And in each chapter, I picked a guy that I thought that was crushing that area of their life, that was doing really well in that area. And one of those areas was being a good husband. And so the gentleman that I chose to interview for that part of the book, I give one away here was Verick Burchfield. And he has a comment that from the very first time he said it, it really made me stop and think. And it’s something that I try and tell myself on a regular basis since I’ve heard it. And the question he says, are you chasing her smile?

And so, what that got me thinking about, my wife and am I truly chasing her smile? So what does chasing her smile mean? Am I looking for opportunities to make her smile? Am I watching and paying attention for those things that I can do or say or take care of or whatever that looks like, that will make her smile? Here’s the thing, it doesn’t have to be big things. It can be small things. It can be … I mean, some of the most meaningful things are some of the smallest things that we do. It can be as simple as a touch on the shoulder or a slap on the butt as you’re walking by. I mean, as a married couple, I do that all the time where I walk by and slap her on the butt and love you babe. And she giggles and slaps me back.

But that’s the thing, it’s looking for those opportunities, not missing those opportunities to make her smile. So one of the things that I did or one of the things that I chose to do recently is we had a bunch of landscaping done in the backyard and those of you who know me know I hate not doing it myself. That drives me nuts. But at this point in our lives, it was better to pay someone to do it and for us to do other things. But there’s on thing that I wanted to do, I knew she wanted a pergola really bad. So one of the ways I’ve been chasing her smile and making sure that she has a smile is by building her pergola.

Now, the thing with this one is I want to make sure that everything that she wants in that pergola is what she wants not what I prefer, not what I think is best. Unless it comes to something in construction that I know needs to be done a certain way then yeah, I’m going to probably pull rank on that one. But I think it’s really simple. It’s one of those things where it’s a simple thought and it’s a simple feat but it’s not always easy to do.

I mean, let’s face facts, when you’re married or in a relationship, it’s not always roses. There are days where you love each other, you really may not like each other that much or you may be at each other’s throats or they’d been a big disagreement or whatever. And I challenged a group of guys recently, Darren Hardy did something where he called it a year of thanksgiving. And what he did is every single day he wrote something he was thankful for about his wife in a journal. And at the end of that year, he gave it to her as a gift. She had no idea he was doing this. I tried, I started it and I failed miserably. I mean, it’s tough to come up with something different for 365 days in a row, something completely different about why your wife is special to you, why you love her. You really have to be very, very specific and you have to be … I mean, that consistency is a tough piece to do that. At some point, I am going to succeed at that. I have yet to succeed at it but I will.

And then the other thing I’ll leave you with is whenever you’re fighting, and I think I talked about this a couple of times, but in the relationship if you’re fighting to win then you’re fighting the wrong fight. And that’s one of the things where I check myself, I have to check myself whenever we have a disagreement or we have a fight. Let’s call a spade, a spade. We’re married, I mean, we don’t always get along but whenever we’re in that moment, I really have to check myself ’cause I’m … Both of us do because we’re both first born, we’re both stubborn, we’re both driven. And we have to check ourselves to make sure we’re not fighting to win but we’re fighting for the relationship.

‘Cause here’s the thing, if you’re fighting to win, if somebody wins, somebody loses. And the thing I’m going to challenge you guys is do you want to be a winner at the expense of your wife being a loser? Think about that. Think about that next time you have a fight, next time you’re fighting and if you even remember what you’re fighting about or for. And I guess that’s my challenge for you guys.

So hopefully, you guys are out there chasing your wife’s smile, looking for those opportunities ’cause I guarantee you they’re there. I guarantee you if you open your eyes and open your ears, those opportunities for listening, to chase her smile and to make her smile are there. So all right guys, until the next time, man up. And again, thanks for the support, just absolutely floored at how this is progressing. Excited but floored. You guys have a great night, take care.